http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it
This could definitely apply just as much to hockey...
Quote:
LOS ANGELES—As Kobe Bryant leads the Lakers against the Magic in the NBA Finals, fans are seeking the expert views and insights of top sportswriters for help in formulating an opinion on the 11-time all-star.
"Please, sportswriters, if you're reading this, I need you to write more columns discussing whether or not Kobe Bryant is the type of player who thrives under pressure," Los Angeles resident and longtime Lakers fan Sam Lawson said. "Does Kobe want the ball in his hands with time running down? Does he have killer instinct? I just don't know these things until I read them in Jack McCallum's Sports Illustrated column."
"I'm certain McCallum, of all people, can tell me, because he is a truly original thinker and a genius," Lawson continued. "Sportswriters are all geniuses."
...
Basketball enthusiasts claim sportswriters have repeatedly helped them to determine whether Bryant is a better defender than most people think, and whether he has figured out how to use his teammates instead of being a me-first player. In 2009 alone, tens of thousands of basketball fans have called on sports journalists to answer the following questions: Is Kobe Bryant intense? Is Kobe Bryant competitive by nature? Does Kobe Bryant have a deep and abiding passion for the game of basketball? And if so, how do his intensity, competitive nature, and passion compare to Michael Jordan's?
Citizens claim that if they are not given at least 40,000 more sports columns concerning these topics, they will be utterly unable to comprehend even a single minute of a basketball game.